Winesday

Good news.  I think I am actually starting to lose some weight despite the fact that I currently feel like the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man from Ghostbusters.  I am trying to stick to my beloved weight watchers diet but we all know I am a sucker for a glass of vino after a long day and hours in the car.  Lately my extended commute is due to the fact that the sun is too bright and the glare is bothering the drivers.  The glare.  REALLY?  Throw on some sunglasses and get moving people or we won’t get home in enough time to enjoy the little bit of sun that is left.  So I blame traffic for my lack of motivation to exercise at 8PM.  Back to the fat...so like I said, I think I may be getting thinner.  Maybe.  I am wearing a pair of pants today that don’t cause me constant pain while I am sitting at my desk, so that’s a good sign.  My most disgusting moment (maybe even the defining “AH-HA” moment as our girl Oprah says) when I knew I was headed to Chunky-town was when I had to regularly adjust my underwear every time I sat down so I could pull it up over my fat pouch. This little "social gut" as I used to lovingly refer to it in the past, used to be the product of happy hours, dinner dates and desserts we split for the whole table so we could satisfy our sweet tooth.  Now it is almost a mirror image of my ass but it grows out the front side of my body.  Seriously!  You know the objects that you can cut in half and each half is exactly the same as the other?  Well that is my belly and my butt.  I have a butt growing out of my abdomen.  Gross.  If I don’t start losing this weight faster, I am going to need to start make some wardrobe adjustments. 

So the theme earlier this week on Hoda and Kathie Lee’s 4^th hour of the Today Show was looking “Thinner by Dinner”.  Well you got me there ladies, let’s hear it.  How can I look thinner by dinner?  I have to say it takes very little for H & KL to hook me.  The 4^th hour of the Today Show is by far my favorite hour.  If I could somehow figure out how to Tivo only that hour and not torture myself AND the memory on my Tivo with the other 3 hours I would be one happy girl.  H & KL really bring joy to my life…I mean these 2 women make up reasons to drink at 10AM on a weekday!?! Stay at home Moms of the world rejoice!!!  As long as you have cable and NBC you are never drinking alone first thing in the morning!! I am extremely jealous you get to enjoy this 9-10AM joy every weekday.  So they are sipping their beverage of the day and teaching women like myself get thinner by dinner by wearing a better fitting wardrobe for our fat, I mean our figures.  I could not agree more with this theory.  Just because it comes in your size does not mean you should be wearing it.  I am a huge proponent of flattering your figure, which I try to do, I just might not be comfortable in said outfit unless I am standing for the next 8 hours since my pants are too tight to sit down in.  I have a few suit skirts that fit that category too.  And forget eating while in said tight pants.  That actually makes you just the opposite...Fatter by Dinner. One of their tips was to accent the skinnier parts of your body, like your wrists.  "Accent them with bangles" was their suggestion.  Ok, let me stop you there, I think someone had a little too much pinot grigio.  Putting bangles on your skinny wrists is not going to take the attention away from the spare tire you are hiding under your shirt.  Sum it up: wearing wrap dresses, layering and hiding your arm flab.  Check.  The only pickle that I am in is the fact that I don’t want to buy a bigger size so I am going to have to work with what I have in my closet.  A bigger size will simply give the green light to my body to keep on growing.  No thank you! 

So add it the agenda, I am going to start getting crafty with my upcoming winter wardrobe…and on my worst days, I will just drink my dinner.

Happy Winesday!

Let's get Physical, physical....

I have just come to the absolute scariest realization of my life. Brace yourself because this is going to stun you as much as it stunned me…Boyfriend and I weigh the same amount!! I KNOW! Which means that if we were to both compete in a wrestling competition, we would most likely wrestle each other since we are in the same weight class. I am disgusted with myself. Boyfriend has always been a consistent gym rat and about 9 months ago he decided to get serious with his diet (please note he did not have a ton of weight to lose) and so I suggested WW. A diet so powerful all you need to say is the initials…that’s right…WW…Weight Watchers. In fact, it’s not a diet, it’s a lifestyle. I know this because I have been to the meetings. And it works, it really works if you stick to your points. I got serious about 4 years ago, pre-Boyfriend and lost 25 lbs…well somehow those 25 pounds found me and brought 10 of their friends back with them. Boyfriend looks amazing and I look not so amazing. So I decided to get serious. Last Friday I hopped on my electronic talking scale and it immediately said “ONE AT A TIME PLEASE”. I knew at that moment that this weight loss journey was going to be a lot more difficult than I expected so I needed to make a plan.

First item on the agenda, cancel my gym membership. Hahaha. I know you are laughing and I have to laugh here too, I know it sounds ridiculous but what is even more ridiculous is the fact that I pay for this monthly membership and honestly cannot remember the last time I was there. I like to think of it as my way of ensuring the gym is suitable for all those avid gym goers like Boyfriend…they need money to pay those employees and my monthly membership fee helps this cause. I am a good Samaritan. Back to business, the problem with my gym is that it is about 20 minutes away from my house and not on the way home. I already spend most of my day commuting to my sucky job and since working out seems in itself a second sucky job, why would I want to endure that extra commute? I prefer to sit on the couch, drink a glass(es) of wine and watch fatter people lose weight on shows like the Biggest Loser. Ahhhh the comfort of my couch. See? My logic is wayyyyyyy off I know, but you do not get this size without knowing the exact number of minutes you have to get to the kitchen and back before the commercial break ends. So, we are canceling the gym membership to join once closer to my house. 5 minutes away to be exact. No more excuses. The icing on the cake…this new gym has a pool and I decided that I am going to swim away these pounds and if that doesn’t work then I hope moo-moo’s and leggings stay in fashion.

Second item on the agenda was to get rid of everything that I know I shouldn’t be eating and drinking in my new lifestyle. With that said, I apologize for not blogging the last few days, but it is very time consuming to drink every bottle of wine in the house, eat 2 tubs of French onion dip & chips, crab-stuffed shrimp and half a chocolate cake washed down with a few mimosas. It was a holiday weekend people, do not judge me. Everyone knows the cardinal rule of dieting is that you do not start a diet on the weekend and you most certainly do not every start it over the holidays. Besides, I could not let all that deliciousness go to waste. It was like the last supper for me, only it lasted approximately 3 days.

So here I am. Current weight = same as boyfriend’s. Current wardrobe = a weapon, since at any moment the button on every pair of pants I own could pop off, fly across the room and take someone out. Current issue = I am wearing a dress today and my thighs are rubbing together so bad that I have a Stage 4 rug burn and I am contemplating peeing in my pants to avoid the walk across the office to the bathroom.

Wish me luck and please warn the wine industry that their stock is about to drop. Game on thunder thighs.