Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Come on Internet...don't fail me now!

Have you ever felt that you have gone where no one has ever gone before??? One would think that it is near impossible to find the end of the Internet, but I think that I may have done it.  I attend a number of meetings in my big girl life...meetings to plan meetings, meetings to discuss the meetings we planned and conference calls to follow up on these meetings.  It is a fascinating waste of time but nonetheless allows for ample time to browse the Internet in an attempt to look busy and not fall asleep from sheer boredom.  The curse that comes with this freedom to explore is that you eventually find that you have nothing more to search for.  I know.  I said it.  The end of the Internet.

Wikipedia?  Been there.  Facebook?  500 photo albums down and already looked at 25 of my friend's friends whom I do not even know but since they have not figured out their privacy settings...well you know the rest.  WebMD?  NO THANK YOU.  Unless I have the next 10 hours free to sit in the emergency room, I must stay clear of WebMD.  How is it that a simple selection of the symptoms of the every day head cold could also mean that your arm is about to fall off and you may have only hours to live?  Let's be clear here, I know it's not saying for sure that is what the diagnosis is...its just an option, but it could be true.  Just an option people.  Don't freak out.  You either have a common cold or the plague.  I literally had a head cold for almost 2 weeks and started to have what felt like either horrible indigestion...or a heart attack.  After some detailed WebMD research I determined it was indeed a heart attack (and the longest heart attack in history most likely since I believed I was having it for about 2 days and counting).  So I did what any normal heart attack victim would do...I went out to dinner with my main man.  I needed to have one last feast before I well...you know the prognosis.  So we are dining and I am explaining that I may not make it through the night and telling him that I wish we hadn't paid in advance for the group beach trip we are leaving on the next day, when Boyfriend tries to rationalize with me.  He eventually gives up and offers to take me to the hospital but I decline...I must rest in my own bed for my last night.  Well, this may come as a surprise but the next day, I woke up and headed to the Dr. only to find out that my cure was none other than Prilosec OTC.  No heart attack, false alarm.  I had heart burn from the post nasal drip.  Sick, I know but at least my ticker was in excellent shape. 

I guess I will retire my Internet medical license and leave it up to the professionals.

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